


Playdates & Other Dates

by soul_writerr



Series: Sonny & Rafael Are Dads [1]
Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Developing Relationship, Family Dynamics, Family Fluff, First Kiss, Flirting, Fluff, Getting to Know Each Other, Kid Fic, Light Angst, M/M, Meet-Cute, Parenthood, Single Dads AU, Single Parents
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-07
Updated: 2020-08-07
Packaged: 2021-03-06 01:48:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,906
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25765483
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soul_writerr/pseuds/soul_writerr
Summary: Sonny turned around to see Elena’s father strut into the playground, and his tongue immediately knotted itself inside his mouth. The man was drop dead gorgeous in a three-piece suit, briefcase in hand, looking all important. Sonny approached the group with jelly legs, keeping eye contact as he offered Elena’s father a hand to shake.“I’m Sonny Carisi,” he said, smiling. “Eduardo’s father.”“Nice to meet you. Rafael Barba,” he took Sonny’s hand and shook it firmly. “Elena has told me all about Eduardo. They’re thick as thieves apparently.”Sonny laughed lightly, reaching over to caress his son’s face affectionately. “Yeah, he was trying to convince me to take her home with us today, but I argued you might not love that idea.”“I am generally against the kidnapping of my child, yes,” Rafael joked, and Sonny’s stomach turned at the little laugh he let out. “But I suppose a playdate could be arranged.”
Relationships: Rafael Barba/Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr.
Series: Sonny & Rafael Are Dads [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2108103
Comments: 41
Kudos: 159





	Playdates & Other Dates

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger warnings: brief mention of abortion, descriptions of an anxiety attack, food-related trauma
> 
> First of all, I want to say thank you Sandy for helping me with the psychological side of this story and the continuous support. I've always had trouble writing children, but I challenged myself to do it for this fic and a lot of you hyped it up on twitter, so I hope you know how much I appreciate that. This one goes out to Kas, Stella, Sandy, Tris, Sandra, and H. Your excitement means everything to me!
> 
> Enjoy!

Sonny walked into the school playground, looking around for his son. There were still a handful of children running around, playing tag and screeching in disappointment once they got tagged. Sonny smiled at the ones that ran past him, not spotting his son’s light blond hair amongst the group but happy to witness their moment of fun anyway. 

He eventually found Eduardo by the swings, pushing a little girl as she squealed in joy. They took turns in quick successions of pushing, running to the other swing beside them and sitting to be pushed, then running to the other swing and sitting to be pushed again, over and over.

They were having the time of their lives, despite only getting one push at a time in their excitement. Sonny chuckled, waiting for them to get a few rounds in before he approached the pair. 

He knew the little girl well by now. Her name was Elena and she was new to the school, having joined as the new semester started. Eduardo, ever the social butterfly, had quickly befriended her and now the two of them were inseparable. Sonny had heard all about little Elena and their adventures.

She was adorable with her pretty brown curls done up in pigtails and bright green eyes that were as expressive as her round face. Sonny had heard her talking to their teacher in rapid Spanish once, and was impressed at how well she could communicate in two different languages at the young age of 6.

Sonny’s mother had always argued he should have started teaching Eduardo Italian from his baby days. Sonny didn’t have the heart to tell her he didn’t remember enough Italian to be able to teach him.

Eduardo spotted Sonny before he made himself seen, and the little boy turned to his friend to say something in a conspiratorial manner. The two of them came running towards him after their secret conversation, and Eduardo went smack into his legs, hugging him around the knees. 

He looked up Sonny him with pleading blue eyes and before he even opened his mouth Sonny knew there was a request coming.

“Daddy, can Elena come home with us?,” Eduardo asked, pouting.

Sonny chuckled, messing up his wild hair playfully. “We have to ask her father first, buddy.”

“My papi says I can’t go anywhere with strangers,” Elena pointed out, and she definitely gave Eduardo a run for his money when it came to the puppy eyes. 

“And he’s right,” Sonny offered softly.

“But Eduardo is not a stranger!,” Elena protested, green eyes growing bigger.

“But I am,” Sonny knelt down, eye-level with the children. “Your papi doesn’t know me, and I don’t know him. He would be very upset if he came to pick you up and didn’t find you.” 

Sonny watched in dismay as Elena’s eyes filled with tears. “Please, I don’t want to play alone!” 

Eduardo looked just as devastated, standing beside his friend like a guard. “Daddy, can we wait for Elena’s papi? Please?”

He sighed and nodded. “Okay, we can stick around for a minute. Why don’t you go play? I need to talk to your teacher.”

Elena brushed away her tears with a watery smile and the two went back to the swings like nothing had happened, taking turns and pushing each other again. It wasn’t enough that Eduardo got everything he wanted from Sonny as it was, now apparently Elena had him wrapped around her finger, too.

Sonny shook his head at himself and went to look for their teacher, Miss Kat. He quickly found her on the other side of the playground, putting away painting supplies. 

“Hey Kat,” he greeted her as he approached in quick steps, then pointed a thumb over his shoulder. “You hear anything about Elena’s father?”

Kat looked over at the two kids and nodded, smiling. “He told me this morning he might be a little late today, but she knows that and there’s extra snacks in her backpack just in case. Why?”

“Nothing. Eduardo’s being a little protective, I guess.” 

“That he is,” she chuckled. “They act like they’re siblings, to be honest. Apparently the fact that both their names start with E and that they both only have dads means they’re destined to be best friends.”

Sonny smiled at that. “Kids, am I right?” 

“Yeah. Why don’t you try for a playdate?,” Kat suggested. “You know what it’s like to be a new parent at school. I think Mr. Barba could use some friends around here.” 

“Sounds like a good idea,” he considered, looking at the paper name plates around the painting area. Eduardo’s and Elena’s were side by side. “They’re already well on board with that.”

Kat looked over his shoulder, then pointed her chin at the door. “Why don’t you ask him, then? He just walked in.” 

Sonny turned around to see Elena’s father strut into the playground, and his tongue immediately knotted itself inside his mouth. The man was drop dead  _ gorgeous  _ in a three-piece suit, briefcase in hand, looking all important. The air in the room shifted when he walked in, confident and sure, not a hair out of place. 

His sparkling green eyes scanned the room for his daughter much like Sonny had done before, and as soon as he spotted her, his guarded expression melted into something so soft that it hit Sonny right in the gut. The man made his way towards her and the little girl squealed loudly when she saw him.

She abandoned the swing to run to him, throwing her arms around his neck when he knelt down and opened his arms to her. Sonny noticed that he was whispering something to her, looking apologetic as he squeezed her in his arms, though he couldn’t hear what was being said. In response, Elena kissed her father’s cheek, then she took his hand and waved Eduardo over.

Sonny watched, mesmerized, as Elena introduced the man to Eduardo. He was proud to see his son politely introduce himself and compliment the man’s attire, saying he looked ‘really smart’.

“You dress like my daddy,” Eduardo said and, having remembered that Sonny was actually there, turned to look for him. “Daddy, daddy, look! Elena’s dad is here! Can you ask him now, please?”

Eyeing Sonny, the man stood up, brushing off his pants and picking up his briefcase. Sonny approached the group with jelly legs, keeping eye contact as he offered Elena’s father a hand to shake.

“I’m Sonny Carisi,” he said, smiling. “Eduardo’s father.”

“Nice to meet you. Rafael Barba,” he took Sonny’s hand and shook it firmly. “Elena has told me all about Eduardo. They’re thick as thieves apparently.” 

Sonny laughed lightly, reaching over to caress his son’s face affectionately. “Yeah, he was trying to convince me to take her home with us today, but I argued you might not love that idea.”

“I am generally against the kidnapping of my child, yes,” Rafael joked, and Sonny’s stomach turned at the little laugh he let out. “But I suppose a playdate could be arranged.”

Elena and Eduardo both started jumping for joy, grabbing their respective father’s arm and pulling as they chanted  _ please  _ over and over.

“Well, I guess they’d like that,” Sonny said with an amused look at the two kids. “I’ll have to check my calendar, though. I don’t mean to sound like a jerk, but work keeps me on a tight leash sometimes.”

Rafael immediately nodded. “I’m the same, I understand,” he pulled a face for a moment. “That’s why I was late today. Too much work.”

“It was just a few minutes,” Sonny offered sympathetically. He knew the weight of feeling like you were letting your child down by not being there on time. “Don’t worry about it, they kept each other well entertained.”

Rafael looked from his daughter up to Sonny, a calculating look on his face. “Were you waiting around for me to come pick her up?”

Sonny blushed, spluttering. “Uh,” he started. “Well, you know how kids are… Eduardo asked me to wait so Elena wouldn’t be alone.”

“That’s very kind,” he said softly, looking at the little boy. “Thank you.”

Eduardo buried himself deeper into Sonny’s legs, suddenly shy. “Elena is my best friend,” he said, like that was the only explanation needed. Sonny’s heart filled with pride.

“Papi,” Elena whined, pulling at Rafael’s sleeve. “Can we play some more? Please?”

Rafael shook his head. “I’m sorry,  _ mija.  _ We have to go now, but we can have a playdate another time, yeah?,” he directed the end of the sentence to Sonny.

“Why don’t you give me your number? We can check our schedules and call to arrange something,” Sonny pulled out his phone and handed it over to Rafael, who quickly typed in his number and handed it back. 

Sonny hit call and waited to hear the buzz coming from the other man’s pocket before ending it. “There you have it.”

“It was nice to meet you. And thank you again for waiting,” Rafael said, taking Elena’s backpack from her. “Say goodbye to Eduardo and Mr. Carisi, Elena.”

“Call me Sonny,” he said reflexively, then blushed. 

Rafael smiled softly at him. 

“Bye, Eduardo,” Elena said, then looked up at Sonny. “Bye, Mr. Sonny.”

Sonny chuckled. “I guess that works. See you soon, Elena.” 

“Bye,” Rafael said, leading his daughter away as she waved at her friend.

“Bye,” Sonny replied, watching them go. 

Well, that was interesting.

* * *

Two days later, Sonny had a conundrum. Technically, he and Rafael hadn’t really planned on who was going to call to schedule the playdate. Sonny had simply said they could check their calendar and call. 

So he hadn’t called, unsure if it was too soon, afraid he might sound too overbearing. Maybe Rafael hadn’t had the time to check his calendar; Sonny had gotten the impression that he was a very busy man.

Or maybe he was waiting for Sonny to call, wondering if perhaps Sonny hadn’t meant it when he agreed to the playdate. But he had, he wouldn’t put those expectations on his son only to not follow through, specially when the boy had spoken of nothing but Rafael’s little girl since.

Sonny had never felt so inadequate before. Not even when it came to romantic dates did Sonny hesitate this much. There was a nervous clench in his stomach every time he grabbed his phone with the intention of calling the other man, only to then feel a grip of disappointment when he saw there were no missed calls or messages from Rafael. 

Sonny and Eduardo were having pasta for dinner, and while Sonny was having an internal debate about how to proceed, the little boy was sucking sauce off his fingers and telling him all about the drawing he made in class. 

“The paint was still wet, but Miss Kat said I can bring it home tomorrow,” he was saying. “We can put it on the fridge!”

Sonny shook himself off his mental spiral. “That sounds great, buddy. Our fridge’s getting a little full, uh? If I’d known you were such an artist I’d have bought the  _ biggest _ fridge ever.”

The little boy giggled, sauce all around his mouth and chin. It was a mess, but Sonny loved the way his son enjoyed his food. 

“Daddy, Elena said her dad is Cuban,” Eduardo said, changing the subject completely and unknowingly making Sonny’s stomach take flight. “What does that mean?”

“It means he’s from Cuba. That’s another country.” 

Eduardo nodded. “Oh! Like we’re from Italy!”

“Exactly,” Sonny laughed lightly. He’d made sure to tell the boy all about his heritage from a very young age.

“Is that why Elena says things that aren’t in English sometimes?,” he considered around another mouthful of pasta.

“Yes, she’s speaking Spanish. That's the language people speak in Cuba,” Sonny reached for a napkin and dabbed it around his son’s mouth. “Don’t talk with your mouth full. And use your napkin.”

Eduardo dramatically swallowed his bite before continuing. “But I don’t understand her when she speaks like that.” 

“That’s okay, bud. I’m sure she can translate it for you if you ask. Or you can ask her to teach you.” 

“I will,” he nodded. “Her daddy calls her  _ mija _ all the time. Can I call her that?” 

Sonny couldn’t help but laugh. “I don’t think so. He’s calling her ‘my daughter’, nobody else can call her that, right?” 

“Oh,” Eduardo frowned, clearly displeased. He took another bite and chewed it fully before changing the subject once again. “Daddy, can I have two dads?” 

Sonny choked on his own bite of pasta, coughing and spluttering. He took a sip of water and looked at his son with wide eyes. “What do you mean?”

“Elena said her daddy had a boyfriend. So that’s two dads. I’d like two dads, because that’s more boys to play with me. We can play superheroes, but Elena likes to play too. She likes being Spider-Man. If she’s Spider-Man, can I be Wonder Woman?” 

Sonny had tuned out Eduardo’s speech for a moment, ears buzzing at hearing that Rafael had a boyfriend. He hadn’t considered that. Kat had once mentioned they were both single dads. When she said single he thought actually  _ single _ , not with a potential partner.

He once again shook himself back into the room. “Yeah, sure, you can be whatever you want, buddy,” he smiled reassuringly. “But did you just say Elena’s dad has a boyfriend?” 

“Not anymore,” Eduardo shook his head. “She said she was very small when he existed, and then he went away. Her daddy was sad, but now he’s happy again so that’s okay. So can I have two dads?” 

Sonny let out a long, relieved breath, but at the same time he straightened up at Eduardo’s question. He knew the concept of sexuality and relationships were still mostly abstract to him and Sonny had always been very careful about bringing people home to meet his son. 

In fact, that had only happened once, with a woman he’d been dating for six months. And even then, Sonny had introduced her as a very good friend who would be around a lot. That relationship had lasted another year after that, and Eduardo had referred to her as “auntie” the whole time.

After that, there had been a couple people; a journalist and another lawyer, both men. Neither went beyond the sixth month mark, though.

Regardless of it being only Sonny and Eduardo for the longest time and the boy being a little young to fully understand what a serious relationship meant, he was smart enough to understand the dynamics of relationships, and Sonny would be damned if he allowed heteronormativity into his own household. 

“Eduardo, listen to daddy, okay?,” he turned his whole body towards his son, waiting for him to look at Sonny and give him his full attention. “It’s fine to have two daddies or two mommies. Every family is different, and there’s nothing wrong with that. You could have a new mommy or a new daddy someday, or another person who loves you very much and would love to play superhero with you. But right now is me and you, okay? Just the two of us.” 

Eduardo nodded, his bright blue eyes looking huge as he took in Sonny’s words. His son was smart; so smart, in fact, that sometimes it caught Sonny off guard. 

“But what if Elena’s daddy was my new daddy?,” he asked after a moment. “I could play with Elena all the time!” 

“You  _ can _ play with Elena all the time,” Sonny said, and thought it sounded a little strangled. “You see her at school everyday, don’t you?”

“Yeah, but not after school!,” Eduardo whined. ”I wanna play with her after school!” 

“You’re having a playdate soon,” Sonny tried placatingly. He knew that when Eduardo got in a mood getting him out of it was a workout. 

“When?” 

“I’ll talk to her dad later, okay? But only if you finish your dinner,” Sonny said. 

Eduardo looked at him like he knew what Sonny was doing. Sonny’s mother called it his “Sonny look”, when he got that suspicious expression, narrow eyes and everything. Sonny thought it was hilarious. 

But despite Sonny tricking his son into eating, when Sonny went to put Eduardo to bed, the little boy managed to get the upper hand once again. Sonny was too damn soft for this.

“Daddy,” Eduardo started once Sonny finished reading his bedtime story. “I like it when it’s just the two of us.”

Sonny’s heart grew so big he thought it was going to crack his ribs open. “I like that too, buddy. I like it a lot.” 

“But I like it when it’s me and Elena too,” he said, pouting. 

“Okay,” he conceded after a tired sigh. “I’ll call her dad, I promise.” 

Eduardo nodded, eyes dropping closed heavily. “Thank you, daddy. I love you.”

“I love you, too,” he dropped a kiss on his son’s head, turned on his nightlight and left the room with a heavy feeling in his chest.

Sonny went to grab his phone from the kitchen island, but once again hesitated before finding Rafael’s number. This was ridiculous. He huffed at himself, then hit call.

The line started ringing, and Sonny’s hands started sweating. After four rings, Rafael picked up. 

“Hello?,” he greeted, and Sonny heard Elena’s voice in the background. 

“Hey, Rafael. It’s Sonny,” he said, then stuttered before continuing. “Uh, Sonny Carisi, Eduardo’s father?”

“Hi, Sonny,” Rafael said, seemingly unfazed by his call. “Can I call you back in ten minutes? I’m about to put Elena to bed.”

“Oh yes, of course, I’m sorry,” Sonny said hurriedly. “Take your time.” 

“I’ll call you back,” Rafael said again then ended the call.

Sonny’s heart was thumping, and his cheeks were heating up, going down his neck and chest. He let out a long breath, shaking his head at himself. Of course Rafael was busy, he should have known better. If he’d just put Eduardo to bed of course Rafael would be doing the same with Elena. 

He should have texted first, opened up a conversation to set up a call for later. 

Instead of standing there staring at his phone, Sonny started loading the dishwasher. His thoughts were still going about a mile a minute though, and it was only when he’d finished that Sonny realized Rafael might not have saved Sonny’s number on his phone after all, which meant he had no intention of calling.

The embarrassment burned on his face as that realization dawned on him, and he almost didn’t pick up when his phone started buzzing and Rafael’s name flashed across his screen. But he had to do it for Eduardo. He promised.

“Hey,” Sonny said as he picked up, leaning against the island. “Sorry about earlier, I should have known better.” 

“Not at all, any other day she would already be asleep, but showering was extra difficult tonight,” Rafael let out a tired sigh. “I picked up your call because I knew you’d understand.”

So Rafael knew it was him. Sonny perked up. 

“Yeah, of course I do,” he said sympathetically. “I had to promise to call you to set up the playdate so we could get on with our nighttime routine.”

“Ah, you were blackmailed,” Rafael joked. 

“Basically,” Sonny chuckled. “I wasn’t sure if you’d had the time to check your calendar, but Eduardo’s quite a stubborn little boy.”

“Yes, we’re free this Sunday, if that’s okay with you,” Rafael said. “I can host.”

They were supposed to go to Staten Island this weekend, but Sonny could postpone that.

“That sounds good. Sunday is great,” Sonny said, eager.

“Sunday is pizza day in our house,” he said, half-warning. “I hope that’s suitable.”

Sonny laughed. “Eduardo is going to love that. But only if you let me cover it.”

“That’s really not necessary, Sonny.”

“You’re already hosting, it’s only fair,” he insisted. 

“We can split it,” Rafael argued. 

“Okay, but I’m bringing dessert,” Sonny said. “Is Elena allergic to anything?”

“No, but she’s quite a picky eater. You can’t go wrong with chocolate, though,” Rafael said, and Sonny made note of that. “Do you drink wine?”

Sonny’s hands, which had stopped sweating, were now sweating again. 

“I do,” he said.

“I’ll have a bottle, then,” Rafael promised. “I like to have a glass with my pizza.”

“That’s fair,” Sonny chuckled nervously. “Should we be there in time for lunch, then?”

“Yes, that sounds good. I’ll text you the address.” 

“Okay,” he smiled. “Great. See you on Sunday.

“It’s a date,” Rafael said, sounding amused. Sonny wondered if he was smiling too. “Good night, Sonny.”

“Good night.” 

Sonny had to get a goddamn grip.

* * *

On Sunday morning, Sonny was about as anxious about the playdate as Eduardo was. The little boy had wanted to stick all of his toys in his backpack to share with Elena, while Sonny had already changed his shirt three times. 

He’d tried to stop thinking about the other man, but failed miserably. Sonny wasn’t sure why he was so shaken after a single face to face interaction, but that he was. It was the way Rafael held himself, the way he spoke, the way his daughter completely adored him and he turned so soft at the sight of her.

Sonny had tried to find out where he worked, what he did for a living, but Eduardo didn’t know. He’d only said that Elena had told him he was “the smartest daddy in the world”, which consequently did not go well with Eduardo.

“I told her she was wrong,” he argued with a scowl, and he looked adorable. “ _ You _ are the smartest daddy in the world! I told her you put all the bad guys away but she said that her daddy did too!”

He would have guessed that Rafael was a lawyer simply by the way he dressed, but he was dying to actually ask him and find out more about him.

During the week he hadn’t seen the other man at all; the day after they first met, Bella had been the one to pick Eduardo up from school so he could have some play time with Emilia, then on Thursday it was Rafael’s mother who picked Elena up. 

Sonny could tell straight away that she was a no-nonsense woman, and whisked Elena away like she was late for something. On Friday, Sonny had tried again, hopeful, but Elena had already left when he got there. 

“Her daddy said they had to go,” Eduardo had pouted at him, clearly sad to play alone in the swings. “But he promised we can spend extra time together on Sunday.”

And so they were headed to their apparently longer than previously scheduled playdate after some pushback about which toys Eduardo was allowed to take.

“Eduardo, Elena has toys at her house,” Sonny argued, pushing up the sleeves of the Henley he’d finally settled on. “Come on, you can pick two. Quick or we’ll be late!” 

“Only two?,” the little boy whined.

“Yes,” he said firmly. “Or do you want me to tell her we’re not going because you can’t choose a toy?”

Eduardo stomped back into his bedroom with a dramatic huff, turning his backpack upside down so all his toys would fall out. He sat on the floor, considering his options. Sonny left him at that while he went into the kitchen to pack their dessert - and take a breather, he’d hate to get to Rafael’s disheveled and annoyed.

And so an hour later they were knocking on the the other’s man door, one hand holding Eduardo’s and the other carrying a basket full of chocolate cupcakes. 

Elena squealed when she saw them, and ran to Eduardo to give him a tight hug. 

“Come on, I wanna show you my toys!,” she said excitedly, pulling the little boy into the apartment by the hand. 

“Well,” Sonny chuckled, until standing on the entrance-way. “Sorry about that.”

Rafael smiled and waved him in. “It’s okay, Elena’s been so excited I thought she was going to shoot off into the sun before you could even get here.”

Sonny laughed lightly. “I get that, Eduardo was the same,” he offered Rafael the cupcakes. “Here, for dessert.”

Rafael peaked inside and raised an eyebrow. “Did you bake these yourself?,” he asked, sounding amused. “When you said you’d bring dessert I thought you meant ice cream or something, you know, store-bought.”

Sonny suddenly felt unsure. “Should I have brought ice cream?”

“No, Sonny,” Rafael laughed. “You just didn’t have to go through the trouble of baking.”

“Oh, it’s not trouble. I love baking, and Eduardo likes helping me,” he shrugged one shoulder. “Mostly so he can lick the bowl, but still.” 

Rafael walked towards the kitchen and Sonny followed closely behind, looking to the living room where Eduardo and Elena was sitting on the floor as the little girl presented all her toys, naming each one as she went.

“That’s lucky,” Rafael said. “I’m no good in the kitchen, unless you want  _ arroz con pollo  _ for breakfast, lunch and dinner.” 

“I grew up in the kitchen,” Sonny said, leaning against the counter. “Learned everything from my nonna before she passed and now I’m trying to pass that on to Eduardo.”

Rafael turned to him with an interested look. “Do you tutor clueless single dads?”

Sonny laughed. “I can help you, yeah. What does she like?”

“As I said, she’s a picky eater,” Rafael sighed. “Her mother was a good cook, when Elena was younger she’d eat pretty much anything.”

“Then what happened?”

“Her mother passed away,” he said, solemn. “Car accident.”

Sonny’s heart clenched in solidarity. “I’m so sorry, Rafael. Was Elena with her?”

“Thankfully, no. We shared custody, and Elena was staying with me when it happened.” 

“That’s tough,” he reached over and squeezed Rafael’s shoulder. “I’m really sorry. And I can definitely help you with cooking, just say when.”

Rafael shot him a tight smiled. “I appreciate that,” he looked over Sonny’s shoulder to the children. “And what’s your story?”

“Eduardo’s mom bolted as soon as he was born,” he said, trying to keep the bitterness from his voice. “She never wanted to have a baby. I had resigned myself to the fact that she’d get an abortion, I even drove her to a clinic, but she couldn’t go through with it.”

Rafael nodded. “That’s a difficult choice.”

“Yeah, and part of me thought that once he was born she’d change her mind, but she signed him over to me and flew to the other side of the country as soon as she could,” Sonny shrugged. “Last I heard she was in California.”

He didn’t judge her then and he wouldn’t judge her now, but it didn’t stop him from wishing his son had his mother around.

“He never even met her?,” Rafael asked.

“She tried to be a part of his upbringing, you know, I wanted her to help me raise him. I try not to judge, it was so hard for her, and I could see how much it hurt her that she couldn’t connect with him. But then he started asking why his school friends had mothers, and she still didn’t want to meet him, or even talk to him,” he shook his head. “So I cut off all communication with her and it’s been the two of us since then.”

“I’m sorry,” Rafael said genuinely, then went to the refrigerator and pulled out a bottle of wine. “Is it too early?”

Sonny laughed, shaking his head. “It’s happy hour somewhere.”

Sonny was surprised at how easily conversation flowed between them. The children only interrupted once, begging to watch some Barbie movie that, according to Elena, Eduardo had never watched and he absolutely  _ needed  _ to. 

They stuck with one glass of wine, making it last way too long and eventually forgetting about it completely. 

“So, if you don’t mind me asking,” Sonny started. “What do you do for a living?”

“I’m a lawyer,” Rafael said, and Sonny immediately perked up. “A prosecutor with Manhattan’s DA’s office.”

“No way!,” Sonny exclaimed enthusiastically. “Me too! With Brooklyn’s DA’s office.”

Rafael looked surprised. “Really? Elena said Eduardo told her you put bad guys in jail, I guessed you were a cop.” 

Sonny laughed. “Well, I was a cop once, but I took the bar exam a year after Eduardo was born and made the switch. Chasing perps and being at the other end of a gun didn’t sound like a wise career choice when I had a baby that depended on me.”

“But you’re still putting bad guys in jail,” Rafael said with a chuckle. 

“And so are you,” Sonny smiled. “What a coincidence, uh?” 

Rafael tilted his head at Sonny, considering him for a moment. He opened his mouth to say something, but Eduardo came running into the kitchen then, almost crashing belly-first on Sonny’s knees. 

“Daddy, daddy, look!,” he said, and showed Sonny his hands. Each of his nails were painted a different color. 

“Oh wow, that’s awesome,” Sonny said, quite impressed. There were barely any smudges. “Did you paint them yourself?”

Eduardo shook his head. “No, it was Elena.” 

Sonny looked up for the little girl. She was standing a few steps away from them, not coming into the kitchen as she watched Sonny with wide eyes. 

“Good job, Elena!,” Sonny said enthusiastically. “Do you think you can paint mine later?”

Elena perked up, but looked nervously at Rafael instead of replying. 

“It’s okay,  _ mija _ . Come here,” Rafael said softly and Elena approached her father in quick steps. “Do you want to paint Mr. Sonny’s nails?”

Elena nodded. “Can I, papi?” 

“Of course, if he wants you to.”

“I’d love it!,” Sonny said with what he hoped was a disarming smile. 

“What about me?,” Eduardo protested, feeling left out.

“You can paint mine,” Rafael offered, much to Eduardo’s excitement. 

“Why don’t you go and pick the colors?,” Sonny suggested, and the two ran out of the room. “I like sparkles!”

Sonny couldn’t help his smile as the children squealed loudly in happiness as they looked through the options for nail polish. Elena had a bucket full and Sonny knew they would have a hard time picking given how earnest they were.

He looked back at Rafael to find him watching his daughter with a forlorn expression. “What was that about?”

Rafael sighed, his shoulders sagging with it. “Back at the other school, Elena had a playdate with another friend and she painted his nails, just like she did Eduardo’s. But the father didn’t really like that,” he scowled at the memory. “He demanded nail polish remover, then grabbed his kid and his wife and left. Elena cried the whole night.” 

Sonny’s hands balled up into fists. “What an asshole. I’m so sorry.”

“Water under the bridge,” he waved a dismissive hand, then looked at Elena again. The little girl had narrowed her choices down to four, and was contemplating her options with a focused face that made her look so much like her father. “Or at least I thought it was, I didn’t realize she’d still be anxious about it. Thank you for not freaking out, though.” 

Sonny shrugged. “Gender roles aren’t a thing in my family, never have been. I have three sisters, two nieces, not to mention my mother and my nonna,” he chuckled, shaking his head fondly. “I only ever cared about being included in whatever they were doing, and Eduardo is the same. Sometimes he doesn’t want the girls to put bows in his hair, other times he puts them on himself and goes around in my sister’s high heels. As long as he’s happy and feels accepted, that’s all that matters to me.”

Rafael tilted his head again, a soft smile on his face now. “Most parents don’t think like that.”

“Which is a damn shame,” Sonny huffed. “We gotta let kids express themselves, otherwise they’ll grow up to be assholes who make little girls cry over painted nails.” 

Rafael’s smile grew. “Thank you for saying that, Sonny.”

* * *

After a couple more playdates, Rafael suggested a sleepover. Elena had looked adorable in her pigtails, coming up to Sonny to ask if Eduardo could sleep at her house. Once again, Rafael had insisted on hosting and Sonny went with it once he convinced the other man to him cook their dinner. 

“You don’t have to host every time,” Sonny told Rafael as he went around measuring all the ingredients they’d need. 

“I know,” he said softly. “I just worry about Elena feeling safe. Her doctor says that’s important for emotional stability.”

“I get that,” Sonny said genuinely, nodding. “How long has she been seeing a therapist?”

“Pretty much ever since the accident,” Rafael pulled out a couple more bowls and set them on the counter. “She had trouble sleeping and she’d cry for her mother all night.”

Sonny winced. “That’s rough.”

“Yeah, but she’s doing much better,” he said proudly. “It’s been around three years and she’s made so much progress, her therapist is really impressed. The one thing that is still a struggle is the food.”

“Well, I don’t think that’s gonna be a problem tonight,” Sonny said with a broad grin, waving a hand over all the ingredients. “We’re making pasta from scratch! And the kids are gonna help.”

Rafael laughed and Sonny almost bit his tongue at the beautiful sight. “That’s certainly going to be an interesting adventure.” 

Sonny called the two children from the living room and washed their hands as Rafael pulled chairs from the living room so they’d be tall enough to reach the counters. 

“Pasta?,” Elena gasped when Sonny told them what they were doing. “I love pasta!”

Relief filled him and kissed the top of the girl’s head in excitement. She giggled, grasping her little hands together as she looked at all the bowl in front of them with curious eyes. 

“Good, because we’re making our own pasta!,” Sonny announced.

He had done it with Eduardo before, so the boy was feeling confident as he started grabbing at the ingredients. 

“Slow down, cowboy,” he said. “We’re gonna teach Elena and Rafael how to make it, okay?”

Eduardo nodded, and turned to Elena to give her a bowl. “This is flour,” he said, all business. 

Both Sonny and Rafael laughed. “Nice start.”

By the end of the night, Sonny was very happy that Elena had stuffed her face so much that she fell asleep immediately after dinner, still covered in sauce. They had to wake her up so she could take a shower before bed, but Rafael had looked at Sonny with a sparkle in his eyes that made him tremble. 

They’d kneeled side by side in front of the bathtub as each of them cleaned their own child. At one point, Rafael grabbed a little plastic doll and started telling a story of a girl who ate too much pasta. The kids were enthralled by his storytelling, bubbles clinging to their faces, and even Sonny stopped rinsing shampoo out of Eduardo’s hair to listen to Rafael. 

He made all types of faces, made up accents, threw in a few sound effects, and by the end Elena and Eduardo were screaming with laughter. Sonny was mesmerized by Rafael and, when their eyes met again, his heart started pounding in his chest. The scene was so happily domestic and Sonny had been craving this  _ so much _ . 

A partner, someone to share things with him, to vent, to help, to watch their children laugh and play. And Rafael was an amazing father; his and Sonny’s views on raising their kids aligned perfectly, and he knew that for Rafael there was nothing more important than Elena’s well-being.

Sonny couldn’t help but admire him as a father, but also as man. A gorgeous, kind, intelligent man who Sonny couldn’t stop thinking about no matter how hard he tried. He only hoped that Rafael felt the same about him because he was already in too deep. 

Getting the kids to sleep had never been easier. With a belly full of pasta and after a nice warm bath, their eyelids were already dropping as they climbed into bed. Sonny had been in charge of reading them a story, but he only got to page 3 before they were out like a light. 

Rafael had been sitting on the end of Elena’s bed, and he took the book from Sonny’s hand with a chuckle, jutting his chin towards the door. Sonny looked at the kids for a moment, smiling at their peaceful faces, then followed Rafael out of the room.

“It’s weird going home without him,” Sonny whispered, closing the door behind himself. 

“I’m sorry I don’t have a guest bedroom to offer you,” Rafael teased.

“It’s fine. I’m gonna watch some trashy movie with loads of loud explosions, have a couple beers and fall asleep on the couch,” Sonny grinned. “You know, a wild night.”

“I see,” Rafael laughed lightly. “You don’t have to go immediately, it’s still early. We could have a glass of wine.”

Sonny’s smile grew and he wiggled his eyebrows at Rafael. “Sounds like my night just got wilder.”

Sonny followed Rafael into the kitchen and reached for the glasses cabinet as the other man went to grab the wine. He set two glasses on the kitchen island and leaned against it, watching as Rafael popped the bottle open and filled their glasses.

“Cheers,” he said, lifting his glass. Sonny did the same, and they clinked their glasses. “Thank you for dinner, Sonny.”

Sonny immediately started waving him off, but Rafael continued before he could voice a dismissal. 

“Really, I mean it,” Rafael insisted with a soft chuckle. “I don’t think I’d seen Elena be so non-fussy about her food ever since her mother passed.” 

Sonny nodded his agreement. The little girl had been nothing but enthusiastic the whole night. “I think she liked being involved in making it. Now that you know how, you can make it with her.”

Rafael considered it for a moment, sipping his wine. “Pizza nights might turn into pasta nights from now on.”

“Hey, that’s a great idea. Definitely cheaper, too,” Sonny joked with a wink. “I can get you some more recipes. Like bread, pretzels, cookies, stuff like that.”

“Things that she can really do with her hands,” he pointed out, looking interested. “Thank you, Sonny.”

“It’s no problem,” he said with a lopsided smile. “This is nice, you know. Having someone else to talk about things, to do things together.” 

“Yeah, it truly is,” Rafael smiled back. ”I haven’t had that in a very long time. I think Elena needed it, too.”

They were both leaning against the kitchen island now, side by side with their wine glasses in front of them. Rafael was twirling his between his fingers, watching the liquid swirl around.

“You’re such an amazing father, Rafael,” Sonny said, his voice low between them. “I hope you know that. I really admire you and all your efforts.” 

Rafael looked at him with a surprised expression, then looked away quickly. For a moment Sonny thought he was going to start crying. But when he looked back at Sonny, his eyes were full of gratitude. 

“It’s hard to admit that it isn’t always easy, but I’m trying my best,” he said, just as low. “I owe it to her.” 

“She’s an amazing little girl, Raf,” Sonny reassured him with a gentle touch to his arm. “You’ve raised her well.”

Rafael smiled bigger, shifting closer to Sonny. “Coming from you that’s quite the compliment.”

He ducked his head, feeling his cheeks heat up. “Ah, come on.”

“I mean it. Eduardo is so smart, he’s so quick, and so polite and kind,” Rafael said earnestly. “Did you know that he was the one to introduce himself to Elena on their first day of school?”

Sonny was surprised. “I thought it was Kat, you know, because both their names start with E they had to sit together.”

“They did, but before they even went into the classroom, Elena was playing by herself by the toy box. Eduardo and all the other kids were in the swings and the slide, but he saw her and went to speak to her.”

Sonny’s heart swelled with pride. “Really?”

“Call me overprotective, but I stayed for a while to see how she’d do, after drop-off,” Rafael shrugged casually. “Eduardo asked if she wanted to go on the swings, but she said no. I think she was intimidated. So he sat with her and they started playing together.”

“Oh, that’s precious,” he said, a hand on his heart and the other still resting on Rafael’s arm.

“That’s the kind of boy Eduardo is. He’s the sweetest, most thoughtful little guy,” Rafael looked at him, eyes sparkling and a sweet smile on. “Like father, like son, I guess.” 

Sonny froze for a second and time stopped. There were only Sonny and Rafael standing in the kitchen, invading each other’s personal spaces as they sang each other praises. They’d been getting closer and closer as they talked, and now their shoulders were almost touching. 

Time stood still as they stared at one another, the tension building like heavy static. And then the clock started ticking again.

They reached for each other at the same time, Rafael grabbed Sonny’s shoulders as Sonny pulled him in by the hips. Despite the desperation in the way they held on, the kiss was calm, soft and chaste at first. A press of lips, molding together hurriedly. 

They parted for a second so they could adjust the angle and meet again. This time Rafael took Sonny’s bottom lip between his, sucking softly. Sonny did the same thing next, nipping at Rafael’s bottom lip once he let go. 

Rafael’s hand went into his hair slowly, massaging his scalp as he went. The first touch of their tongues was electric, and Sonny felt it on his whole body. Rafael opened his mouth first, tentatively, and licked between Sonny’s lips in an exploratory way that made Sonny grip him tighter. 

Sonny parted his lips a little more, the tip of his tongue resting on his bottom lip, waiting for the next time Rafael licked it. He didn’t wait long at all, and soon Rafael parted ways to lick into Sonny’s mouth, their tongues sliding together slick and easy, but still a little shy. 

As confidence grew, they lost themselves in their kiss. It was hot, soft, and they clicked together so well Sonny knew he’d become addicted to this in no time. 

Unfortunately, as Sonny applied a bit more heat to their kiss, Rafael pulled back, his hand untangling from his hair to rest on Sonny’s chest and push him away with the lightest touch.

“Sonny, I’m not sure about this,” Rafael said with a small, breathy voice. He looked like someone had kissed the living days out of him, lips puffy and eyelids heavy. 

Despite the hurt he was feeling, Sonny immediately gave him space and shook himself off. “I’m so sorry. I-- I must have misread--“

“No, you didn’t,” Rafael said genuinely, looking at Sonny’s lips. He wondered how he looked. “You didn’t misread anything. But we have two young children to consider before we do anything that could complicate things for them.”

Sonny nodded, taking another step back despite still feeling pulled towards Rafael. “You’re right, yeah. I get it.”

“I’m really sorry,” Rafael said and, for what was worth, he did sound genuine. “I am.”

“No, don’t be. It’s the right call. We should think about this,” he said, even though it felt like he’d done nothing but think about this. And from the look on Rafael’s face, he could relate. “I better go.”

Rafael nodded, looking at the floor for a moment as he inhaled deeply for a moment before leading Sonny to the door. 

“I can bring breakfast tomorrow,” Sonny offered, pausing by the door.

“No need,” Rafael shook his head. “Breakfast is the one meal I can actually do well. You’re welcome to join us, though. I make a mean avocado toast, poached eggs and all,” he said jokingly, but with the current tension between them it fell flat.

Sonny gave him a small smile. “I’m sold. I’ll see you tomorrow.” 

Rafael opened the door for him. “Thanks again, Sonny.” 

That night, Sonny took a beer from the back of the fridge and threw himself on the couch without bothering to turn the lights on. He kicked his shoes off as he sipped his beer and grimaced. It was too bitter, too wrong compared to the wine he’d been sharing with Rafael, the wine he’d so clearly tasted on Rafael’s lips.

Sonny set the bottle on the coffee table and laid down, staring up at the ceiling as his heart pounded a painful hole in his chest. He wanted to be back there, with Rafael in his arms. He wanted to be beside him, standing on the threshold of Elena’s bedroom as they watched their kids sleeping.

He couldn’t deny that Rafael was right, that they had to take the kids into consideration. If they made the choice to go further into a relationship, that’d mean sharing more than just each other. That would mean sharing attention, stretching their schedules to its limits, having to build a partnership with someone else while trying to do their best at raising a little human. 

Sonny knew it wasn’t easy, he’d tried dating before. He and Eduardo had their routines, their quirks that other people were not privy to and, most times, they didn’t understand. Sonny’s past lovers had all thought that he’d easily bail on his son to be with them, but it was not going to happen.

None of them understood that being a parent was Sonny’s first priority. It came before his job, it came before his relationships. To be quite honest, a relationship was at the very, very bottom of Sonny’s list of priorities. Raising his son, meeting up with his family, and doing well at his job came before a potential partner. 

But a part of Sonny - and maybe it was the delusional part - knew that Rafael would understand because Rafael was the same way. Elena was his first priority, his mother being an active part of her granddaughter's life came right after, and then there was his job. A relationship - Sonny - would come last.

And he understood and accepted that. He didn’t want to be Rafael’s top priority, he wanted to be  _ a _ priority. He  _ craved  _ a partnership, someone to be laying with him on his couch, both exhausted, for half an hour before they dragged themselves to bed. Something that meant he wouldn’t be doing this alone anymore, his apartment so quiet it was almost eerie. 

Sonny fell asleep like that, alone in the dark dreaming of a life with a partner like Rafael.

* * *

Sonny wasn’t sure if kissing Rafael had been the best idea. He’d been unable to stop thinking about the man before, now it was even worse somehow. Knowing what Rafael’s lips felt like against his added a new level of torturous  _ yearning _ to the situation. 

Of course they still saw each other frequently; every other day at pick up, and they had a couple playdates after the kiss, both of which Sonny hosted. He hoped that was a step in the right direction if it meant that Rafael wanted Elena to also be familiar with his apartment so she could eventually feel safe there.

They still talked a lot - about the children, about work, about their families. Sonny found out that the days Lucia picked Elena up from school were the days she’d take her to church. As a Catholic himself, Sonny had been excited to hear that, but Rafael quickly explained that he himself was lapsed.

“I never really believed,” Rafael had explained. “But her mother did, and I wanted to give Elena the opportunity to choose for herself. When her mother passed, going to church and praying for her helped Elena a lot, so my mother takes her every week.”

Sonny nodded in understanding, his heart growing even bigger at the display of how devoted Rafael was to his little girl.

“Besides,” Rafael continued. “It’s much more comforting for her to hear that her mother is up there with God, looking down on her like a guardian angel. Saying she’s gone, lost, buried somewhere doesn’t have the same effect.”

Rafael was as open and honest with him as he’d been the entire time they’d known each other, but Sonny begrudgingly noticed that the other man was avoiding being alone with him. When they had playdates, he went where the kids went, always making sure they had at least one around, even if it meant leaving Sonny alone in the kitchen fixing snacks.

“I’m sorry,” Rafael came in a few minutes later to find Sonny scowling at a bowl of animal crackers. “Let me help you with that.”

“It’s okay,” Sonny said, trying very hard not to sound upset, but his face probably showed it. 

“I don’t love this situation either, you know,” Rafael said softly, stepping closer to him. “But I meant what I said, we have to think about this.”

Sonny chuckled dryly. “I’ve done nothing but.”

“Me neither,” he whispered.

“Do you regret it?,” Sonny asked, sounding short. Rafael raised his eyebrows at him then shook his head. 

“No. Not at all. And the only reason I’m staying away is so I don’t do it again,” he offered a soft smiled, then his eyes dropped to Sonny’s mouth. “Those lips would cloud anyone’s judgement.”

Sonny immediately bit his tongue, squeezing his eyes shut to try and shoo away the memory of Rafael’s lips on his, the way he’d looked when they parted, the feel of Rafael’s fingers in his hair. 

“Shit, Rafael,” he hissed. “Don’t say stuff like that.”

“Sorry,” Rafael chuckled. Sonny didn’t think he was actually sorry. “I promise you I’m considering this, Sonny.” 

“I believe you,” Sonny turned to look at Rafael. “And I’ll wait however long you need and I’ll respect your decision when you come to it, but— I really, really like you, Rafael. I’d like to see where this can go.”

Rafael reached over and rested his hand on top of the one Sonny had left resting on the counter. He started dragging his thumb over Sonny’s knuckles in a nice caress.

“We can take it as slow as you want,” Sonny continued, watching Rafael’s hand. “We can do this right, go on dates, talk, try things before we say anything to the kids.”

“And what happens if it doesn’t work out?,” Rafael asked in a whisper, also watching their hands. “I don’t want to pull them apart.”

“We won’t,” Sonny shook his head. “I have three sisters, I can ask one of them to bring Eduardo over for playdates if you decide you never want to see me again.” 

“That sounds a little drastic,” Rafael said with a smirk, looking at Sonny with bright, beautiful eyes. “But I hear what you’re saying. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you, Sonny.”

Sonny turned his hand so he could take Rafael’s in his, intertwining their fingers and squeezing. They kept eye contact, and Sonny wondered if he looked as desperate as he felt.

“Let’s give this a chance, Raf,” he whispered, squeezing their hands together again. 

Rafael watched him for a while, his eyes running over his face quickly before they fell on Sonny’s lips again. He started to lean in towards him, and Sonny immediately dipped down to meet him halfway.

He let out a dreamy sigh when their lips met. It’d been three weeks and he’d missed it more than he should admit. But Rafael kissed him with his whole body and Sonny made sure to enjoy it while he could. 

Knowing that the children were running around the apartment and could potentially walk in at any second, they kept the kiss short, but it made Sonny’s heart flutter all the same.

“You mentioned going on a date,” Rafael said once they parted, smiling a toothy grin that made Sonny feel fond all over. 

“Yeah,” Sonny smiled back. “What do you say? No kids, just the two of us in a nice restaurant, being waited on instead of waiting on two tiny monsters for once.” 

Rafael laughed, his nose scrunching up with it. “And they don’t even leave tips,” he joked. “That sounds lovely.” 

Sonny smiled so big he was sure his face was going to rip in half. “Tell me when and I’ll make the reservations.” 

Suddenly, they heard Elena and Eduardo barrelling into the kitchen and jumped apart. Rafael still had the ghost of a laugh on his face, and Sonny didn’t even try to hide his happy smile.

“Daddy, we want a snack!,” Eduardo demanded. 

Sonny looked at Rafael. “See?”

Rafael laughed again, nodding.

“And what do we say?,” Sonny asked his son, very amused.

Eduardo let out a dramatic sigh, but for some reason he looked amused as well. “Daddy dear,” he said, then started giggling at himself. “Can we  _ please  _ have snacks?”

“Very good,” Sonny high fived him and Elena, then took both bowls of animal cracks and handed it to the children. “You want orange juice?”

Eduardo nodded no as Elena nodded yes. 

Sonny served his son a glass of water as Rafael filled a glass of orange juice for Elena, then the two made their way back to the living room to watch the same Barbie movie they’d been obsessed with for about a month now. He and Rafael knew the lines by heart, and mouthed it along with the TV when the kids weren’t looking.

When their favorite scene came on, Sonny looked up at Rafael and they started reciting the lines word by word until they broke their stream to laugh at the absurdity of it all.

Sonny couldn’t remember a time he’d been happier.

* * *

When Rafael asked Sonny to pick Elena from school one random Wednesday afternoon, Sonny got really excited. It meant a lot to him that Rafael trusted him that much, and he’d agreed despite Rafael’s apologetic rambling. 

“My mother’s not picking up her phone, I think she’s in a meeting with her school board, I don’t know. This judge won’t give us a recess for the day and I have no idea when I’m getting out of here,” he had said, all in almost one single breath.

“It’s okay, Raf. I don’t mind it at all. And you know the kids are going to be stoked about it,” Sonny reassured him. “Don’t worry about it, okay? I’ll text you when we get home.”

And everything had gone well at the beginning. Much like he predicted, Elena and Eduardo got really excited about going home together, and ran into the apartment as soon as they arrived. Eduardo immediately pulled out the toy box, and just like that they were distracted.

He’d feed them, put on the Barbie movie and wait until Rafael showed up. It’d be a breeze, super easy. 

Or so he thought. 

“Guys, time for dinner!,” he yelled out about an hour later, setting their plates on the table. It was lasagna, Eduardo’s favorite. “Wash your hands, please!”

They did so with no fuss, using the step stool to reach the tap. They blew bubbles at each other, giggling as their hands got tangled together under the running water.

Eduardo reached the table first, and Sonny helped him up on his seat, then did the same for Elena. The little boy immediately reached for his fork, excited at the sight of his favorite food. Elena, on the other hand, froze.

Sonny watched the next five seconds happen in slow motion. Elena looked at her plate then up at him, her eyes wide. For a single second there was nothing, they simply stared at each other, but then Elena’s bottom lip started wobbling and the next thing he knew she was  _ screaming _ . Horrifying, desperate  _ shrieks  _ that made Sonny’s heart sink in his chest. 

Her face soon turned red and tears rained down as she slapped the plate away then started kicking at the table so hard it almost toppled her chair back. 

Eduardo looked terrified as he watched his friend have a meltdown, shocked in place with a fork still in his hand. Sonny looked between the two of them, confused and overwhelmed, then kicked back into action. 

He went to Eduardo first, pulling him out of the chair and setting him on the floor. 

“Hey buddy, can you do something for me?,” he kneeled down in front of him. “Can you go into your room and close the door?”

Eduardo still looked shocked. “Is Elena okay?”

“Yeah, yeah, she‘ll be okay,” Sonny said, trying to give him a reassuring smile. “I’m gonna help her, okay? And I need you to pick your favorite toys for when she feels better, can you do that?” 

Eduardo nodded and went into his room, looking at Elena as he went. 

All the while Elena was still screaming, throwing the cutlery on the floor and kicking dangerously against the table top. Sonny guessed touching her wouldn’t be the greatest idea, but the last thing he needed was for her to topple over and get a concussion or break an arm.

As fast as he could, he grabbed her below the armpits and pulled her off the chair. Elena yelled louder, kicking at Sonny and trying to push his arms away from her. He settled her on the floor carefully and sat down a feet away, giving her space. He sat there, horrified, as she continued kicking at nothing. 

It was a few minutes before she stopped kicking and wrapped her arms around her legs, rocking back and forth as she let out loud, body-wracking sobs that made her shake. 

“Hey. It’s okay. I’m sorry,” Sonny started in a very soft voice. He guessed she wouldn’t respond, but if there was one thing he remembered from his Detective days was the importance of establishing himself as a non-threatening presence when faced with a distressed child. “I didn’t mean to upset you. Whenever you’re ready, we can talk, okay? I’ll stay here for a while.” 

Elena went on crying, but thankfully she was no longer screaming on kicking. She was making these little broken noises that sounded like she was in pain, and it broke Sonny’s heart in a million pieces.

He almost reached over to sooth her with a caress, but set his hands on his lap to restrain himself. If she didn’t want to be touched, forcing it could potentially amplify her fears.

“I don’t know what made you so sad, but I am sorry,” Sonny continued, almost in a whisper. “You don’t have to eat anything if you don’t want to. We’ll wait for your papi and then you can go home.” 

The mention of Rafael had some effect because Elena sniffed loudly a couple times, hiccuping as she tried to pull in some breaths, and stopped making the hurt noise.

Her body was still shaking, and the sobbing and hiccuping went on for some long minutes. There wasn’t much he could do but watch it happen.

“Your papi will be here pretty soon, alright?,” he said in a reassuring tone, a little more firm. “But you can talk to me. I’m here to help you. I won’t make you do anything you don’t want to do, I promise.” 

Sonny waited silently for some reaction, but the little girl kept swaying back and forth, face tucked well into her legs. He couldn’t see her face at all, but her ears looked red and Sonny knew she was still crying.

Elena pulled in a couple loud breaths again, and it sounded like her nose was stuffed, but at least there were no more hiccups.

Sonny let her breathe before he said anything else. “You’re doing great, Elena,” he said lightly. “It’s okay. You’re safe here, I promise. No one’s going to force you to do anything, okay? You can talk to me.” 

After a few more moments, her arms slowly loosened around her knees and she slowly turned her face to look at Sonny. 

Her eyes were red and her entire face was wet, snot running down her nose. Despite the little girl looking crushed, Sonny smiled warmingly at her.

“Hey, there you are,” he greeted her, making sure he didn’t show his worry. “I’m gonna stay here, is that okay? Take your time. No problem.”

Elena kept looking at him and sniffing. She lifted her head slowly, blinking her eyes against the light. There were still tears forming there, and they fell heavily when she blinked. 

“Elena, what made you so upset?,” Sonny asked, but she only blinked at him. “It’s okay, you can tell me when you’re ready. But I’m not going anywhere, okay? I’ll stay here until your papi comes.” 

They stayed in silence for a while, and Sonny kept his attention on Elena’s breathing pattern. It stuttered at every other inhale, and he knew it wouldn’t take much for her to start crying again, so he waited. 

Elena was still shaking mildly when she moved towards him, making grabby hands. Sonny immediately took her into his arms, pulling her into his lap and cradling her head against his chest. 

He made soft shushing sounds as he let her breathe, a single hiccup escaping when she trying to take a deeper gulp of air.

“It’s okay,” Sonny soothed her, a hand on her back. “You’re safe, Elena. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. I’m not going to force you. I promise you’re safe.” 

Sonny looked over at the clock up in their living room and was shocked to note they’d been sitting on the floor for almost an hour. He should probably check on Eduardo, but he couldn’t get up just yet. 

“Do you want to talk about why you’re so sad?,” Sonny asked gently. 

Elena sniffed. “I miss my mami.” 

With that simple comment, Sonny remembered everything Rafael had said about Elena’s mother. About the shared custody, about how she’d been such a good cook, about all the meals she’d make, the Sunday dinners, the special recipes. 

Something about the dinner Sonny had served her triggered a memory from her mother, one which hadn’t quite healed yet. 

“I know, sweetheart,” Sonny whispered. “Did she make you lasagna a lot?”

Elena nodded slowly, and Sonny winced at himself. 

“Did you like it?,” he continued, trying to keep his tone even. 

Elena nodded again. “It’s my favorite. Mami always made it for me.” 

“I’m sorry, Elena,” Sonny said, hugging her tighter. “I didn’t want to upset you.” 

Elena sniffed again. “I don’t want lasagna right now, Mr. Sonny. Maybe later. When my papi is here.”

Sonny couldn’t help but chuckle. “It’s okay if you only want your mami’s lasagna. You don’t have to eat mine.” 

“I like your pasta,” Elena said. “I liked when we made it.”

“Yeah?,” Sonny smiled, taking the opening. “Do you want to try to make it again?”

Elena nodded, lifting her head from his chest to look at him. Her cheeks were dry now, most of the wetness had stayed on his shirt. “Please?”

Sonny smiled at her. “Of course. But are you hungry right now?”

Elena frowned at little, shaking her head. 

“That’s okay. We can make it later,” he brushed her hair back into place. “How about I get Eduardo and we watch the Barbie movie together?”

Elena smiled the tiniest smile, then nodded at him.

He stood up slowly, keeping Elena close to his chest, pulling her up with him. She wrapped an arm around his neck and rested her head on his shoulder, and Sonny held her a little tighter. 

Careful not to drop her suddenly, Sonny lowered Elena down on the couch and grabbed a stuffed rabbit from the toy box to give it to her. She immediately hugged it.

“Listen, I still have to give Eduardo his dinner, okay? So we’ll be in a kitchen for a while,” he told her. “Is that okay?”

Elena looked between Sonny and the TV. “Can I watch the Barbie movie?”

“Of course,” Sonny smiled and placed a soft kiss to her forehead. “And you’ll call me if you need anything, right?”

Elena nodded, sinking deeper into the couch as she made herself more comfortable. 

He found Eduardo sitting on the floor in his bedroom, toys around him as he concentrated on finishing up a drawing. He immediately turned to show it to Sonny, eyes big and hopeful. It was a picture of Eduardo and Elena holding hands in the park, with a sun at the top and disproportionate clouds.

“It’s for Elena,” Eduardo said. “So she can feel better.”

Sonny pulled his son to him and smothered him with kisses, causing the little boy to squeal and giggle as he trashed in Sonny’s arms. 

“I love you, I love you, I love you,” Sonny chanted between kisses. “You’re so sweet.”

“Stop, daddy!,” he screeched, face pink with laughter. “That tickles!”

“Oh, you want tickles?,” Sonny said innocently, then attacked the little boy’s belly. 

“No!,” Eduardo laughed harder. “Not the tickle monster!”

Eduardo was sprawled on the floor, trying to squirm away from the tickles. Maybe it was the emotional tension of earlier, but suddenly there were tears stinging in Sonny’s eyes at the unbidden show of happiness on his son’s face.

When Sonny stopped, Eduardo was smiling and breathing heavily, half-expecting for the attack to start again, but Sonny helped him get up.

“Let’s have dinner,” Sonny said. “The lasagna is still waiting for you.”

“Is Elena okay?,” Eduardo asked, picking up his drawing. 

“She is,” he smiled encouragingly. “She’s in the TV room. Why don’t you go give her your drawing while I heat the food, uh?”

Eduardo nodded, excited, then grabbed a few toys and ran out of the room after his friend. Sonny sighed, still feeling a tightness around his shoulders, but followed his son after taking a moment to recenter himself.

He considered calling Rafael to tell him what happened, but then decided against it. There was no point in stressing the man out now that situation was under control, so he’d wait for him to arrive so he could see for himself that his daughter was okay. 

Sonny just hoped he wasn’t making the wrong call.

* * *

When Rafael arrived, he greeted Sonny with a quick kiss to the cheek then immediately went looking for Elena. The little girl was as happy as ever to see her dad, and hugged him around the neck with a broad smile.

Sonny’s breath caught in his throat when Rafael asked her about her day, but Elena and Eduardo went on a rant about their school day, neither mentioning what had transpired in the evening.

He went into the kitchen to heat up leftovers for Rafael and himself, and waited for him to come in to broach the subject. 

Rafael walked into the kitchen with a grateful smile on his face, crowding him against the counter to kiss him. Sonny let himself enjoy it, resting his hands on Rafael’s hips to keep him in place.

It was a soft hello kiss, but Sonny’s stomach curled into itself anyway. 

“Thank you for picking Elena up from school,” Rafael whispered between them. “I hope she didn’t give you much trouble.” 

Sonny hoped his smile looked genuine even if he didn’t really feel it. “Why don’t you take a seat?”

Rafael frowned, leaning back further to try and read his expression. “Did something happen?”

“We can talk over dinner,” Sonny said, using his hold on Rafael’s hips to separate them. 

He turned away to serve them each a slice of lasagna, but he could feel Rafael’s eyes following his movements. 

“Here you go,” Sonny set a plate on the kitchen island, then went around it with his own serving to sit across from Rafael. 

“What is it?,” Rafael asked, taking a seat but not touching his food.

“I’ll tell you in a minute,” Sonny reassured him. “Do you want something to drink?”

“No, I’m fine,” he said a little shortly, then let out a breath. “Sorry. I just don’t like the suspense.” 

“I don’t want this to sound more serious than it needs to be,” Sonny said calmly. “But has Elena ever had a panic attack?”

Rafael startled. “Did she have another one?”

“ _ Another  _ one?”

Rafael let his head fall forward, shoulders sagging. Sonny watched as he took a few deep breaths, firsts curling and uncurling on the counter. He almost reached for it, but he still had to gather Rafael’s reaction to his question.

“She’s had a few,” Rafael said, raising his head again. “Four or five through the last three years, not many. It’s been at least a year since the last one.”

Sonny nodded. “I think that’s something you should have told me before asking me to be alone with her.”

“I understand that,” Rafael looked up at the ceiling, shaking his head. “But I never considered that it’d happen again. I’m sorry.”

“I’m not gonna lie to you, Raf, it scared the shit out of me for a second there,” he swallowed. “But I had to deal with a lot of overwhelmed children back when I was a Detective.”

“I’m sorry, I should have given you a heads-up,” Rafael was to one who reached over to take his hand. “But thank you for being so good with her.”

Sonny smiled at him, then looked down at their joined hands, squeezing his fingers as he considered his next words.

“You know,” he started softly. “I worried a lot about Eduardo not having a mother present and looked up all kinds of treatments and stuff a while back. I know Elena is in therapy, but have you ever heard of attachment therapy?”

Rafael nodded, then sighed frustratingly. “Her therapist mentioned it a couple times, but I thought she was doing well.” 

“She’s doing great, Raf. You’ve raised an amazing little girl,” Sonny smiled his best reassuring smile, squeezing Rafael’s hand again. “But maybe she needs the extra push to get even better with that.”

“You’re right. I’ll talk to her therapist,” Rafael looked down at his plate as if he’d suddenly had a realization. “It was the lasagna, wasn’t it?”

Sonny nodded, and Rafael closed his eyes for a moment.

“It was her mother’s go-to meal, her special recipe,” he said with a heavy voice. “I think it was the first solid food Elena ever had, to be honest.” 

“Elena mentioned it, after she calmed down. She said she missed her mami,” Sonny whispered. “And that lasagna was her favorite, but that she didn’t want mine.”

Rafael’s eyes filled with tears, but he quickly blinked them away. “I’m sorry, Sonny. I didn’t mean to put this much stress on you,” he sniffed. “This is what I meant when I said we needed to stop to think about things before we considered really dating. Want it or not, there’s some baggage left to unpack.”

“Hey, hey,” Sonny leaned closer, as close as he could get with the kitchen island separating them. “I know that. This doesn’t change anything for me, Rafael. I adore you  _ and  _ your little girl. I’ll help you unpack if you let me.”

Rafael looked up at him and let out a wet chuckle. “When you said we needed to talk I thought you were going to say you changed your mind, that two children was too much.”

“Are you kidding me?,” Sonny scoffed. “Did you forget I have three sisters? Nieces? A bunch of cousins? Two children is a fucking breeze.” 

“I know,” he laughed again. “But I’m prone to self-sabotage and you’re too good to be true.”

“You think?,” Sonny shook his head. “I’ve got some baggage too, Raf.”

“Well,” Rafael offered his other hand for Sonny to take. “Sounds like we’ve been going on a very long trip.”

Sonny shrugged. “You wanna know my favorite part of going on trips?,” he asked, taking Rafael’s hand. “Coming home.”

* * *

“Eduardo! Shoes! Elena! Backpack! Rafael! Briefcase!,” Sonny called out as he stuffed case files inside his own briefcase, snickering lightly at his own joke of calling Rafael too. 

Elena and Eduardo came running into the dining room, Elena with her backpack and Eduardo with both his hands inside his shoes.

“I’ve got my shoes on!,” Eduardo said, then laughed. Sonny laughed, too. Like father, like son, definitely. 

Sonny tightened Elena’s pigtails and untwisted the backpack strap that was bunching on her shoulder.

“You’re a real funny guy, Eduardo,” Sonny told his son with a wink. “Come on, put those on.” 

“Come on, put those on,” Elena repeated, trying to imitate his accent. She’d been doing that a lot lately and Rafael got on his case about her Spanish starting to come out with a Staten Island accent. 

“Oh, you copying me?”

“Oh, you copying me?,” she parroted, and Rafael walked into the room then, an eyebrow already up at hearing the inflexion in Elena’s voice. 

“Alright, that’s it,” he said, putting his hands on his hips. Laughing, Elena did the same. 

Sonny looked down at Elena as she kept looking up at him with a toothy grin. Rafael came beside him, grabbing his briefcase with an amused smirk. 

“Elena,” Sonny said warningly, and the little girl giggled.

“Elena,” she repeated with the same tone. Eduardo was in stitches beside her, waving his hands around, shoes still on them.

He waited one single beat, then made claws with his hands and attacked the little girl, tickling her tummy as she squealed in laughter.

“No!,” she laughed. “No, no, please!”

“The tickle monster got you,” Sonny joked, sinking on one knee when Elena laid down on the floor to try and get away from him.

“Stop!,” Elena screeched. “No daddy, please!”

Sonny stopped, frozen. He heard Rafael inhale sharply beside him, and Elena took the opportunity to get up and run away, Eduardo going after her, both of them laughing loudly. 

Elena had never called him that before. Eduardo had taken to calling Rafael “papi” three months in, and it was completely natural for him. However, Elena kept calling him Mr. Sonny, even when he told her she could drop the “mister” part. 

Now, over a year since they moved in together, since they’d become a unit of four, Elena had called him “daddy”, and Sonny’s heart was bursting with joy. 

Sonny stood back up slowly, looking at Rafael. The other man had a soft look on his face.

“I think she was—,” Sonny swallowed, shaking his head. “I think she’s just copying Eduardo.”

Rafael’s expression went even softer, and he shook his head. “After all this time? I don’t think so.” 

Rafael’s face blurred in front of Sonny as his eyes filled with tears, and he shook his head again, blinking for them to go away. It was pointless, though. More tears came in, and he couldn’t stop them.

Sonny felt Rafael’s hand on his arm, holding him.

“Hey, why are you crying?,” he asked tenderly.

“ _ Goddamnit _ ,” Sonny brushed the tears away with the back of his hand. “I’m just happy. I’m  _ so  _ happy, Raf. I love our son, I love our daughter, and I love you.” 

Rafael wrapped his arm around him then, pulling him in for a tight hug.

“I love you, too,” he said, kissing Sonny’s cheek, then his jaw, his chin, and eventually his mouth.

Sonny held him close, rejoicing the kiss and the happiness thumping on his chest. He loved his family and he couldn’t contain it. 

Eduardo and Elena must have come back then, because the next thing he heard was a chorus of “ew”. 

He pulled away from Rafael with a smile, turning to look at his children. 

“Who’s ready for the last day of the school year?,” Sonny asked, hyped and loud. 

Both kids grunted, rolling their eyes dramatically and dragging their feet towards the door.

“Ah yes,” Rafael laughed. “I remember that feeling.” 

“Did you not like school, papi?,” Eduardo asked.

“I did like school,” Rafael said, picking up his briefcase. “I did not like waking up early.”

Sonny hummed, grabbing his own briefcase. “Still doesn’t.”

“Okay, Mr. Sunshine,” Rafael teased. “Let’s go or we’ll be late.” 

“Thanks for putting your shoes on, Eduardo,” Sonny said, brushing his son’s hair back into place.

“His socks don’t match,” Rafael pointed out, opening the door. The children ran out towards the elevator, fighting over who’d press the button.

“That’s okay,” Sonny smiled, closing the door behind them. “We can’t always win.” 

Rafael shrugged one shoulder. “I think we’re doing okay.”

Sonny’s smile grew. “I think we’re doing great.”

“Goddamnit!,” Eduardo exclaimed loudly when Elena got the upper hand and slammed the elevator button.

“Well,” Sonny said, holding back his laughter. “See?  _ Great _ .” 

Rafael threw Sonny a long  _ look _ , and the whole ride down to the garage was filled with explaining why Eduardo couldn’t go around yelling  _ goddamnit.  _

They were doing just great. 

**Author's Note:**

> Will I write more for this verse? Probably, but it's not in my plans right now. Gotta wait for the muse to come!
> 
> I hope you all enjoyed this. I've been watching family youtubers so I could analyze the dynamics between them all lmao my family is very small and my aunts and uncles have always lives miles and miles away, so no little cousins, I never really knew how to handle children, which made this a challenge
> 
> Let me know what you think though! I ended up having fun writing this and loving Eduardo and Elena <3 MWAH


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